Someone asked me about the word flow because I use it so often. For me it explains all that is right in the world.
To start, the true definition of the word itself is probably the best way to define what it means to me.
Flow: To move or run smoothly with unbroken continuity, as in the manner characteristic of a fluid.
Its explanation however, takes on a fluid two prong position of belief and communication when applied. For me it begins as a belief that any true relationship will only survive through flow. Hence, open and honest communication, loyalty to the relationship, and abiding by the rules of the relationships construct.
Now with the U.S. constitution many believe that it’s a living and breathing document, they are not only wrong, but misguided. A living and breathing document would have each and every law that has been written and deleted as the relationship or agreement changes.
But in a relationship, the difference is minimal; in order for a relationship to survive or to exist it must do so with a level of communication that only exists in a financial board room. Blunt, honest, and personal communication is a relationship's lifeblood. Many couples know the limits of their relationship and proceed with so many unwritten and unspoken laws or rules, that it’s no wonder why fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. Far too many hidden agendas, personal resentment exists in a relationship for flow to ever become a reality. There have become marriages not of convenience, but that of secrecy pertaining to baggage unresolved, unaddressed, and eventually uncovered by either a personal explosion or betrayal.
In reality those issues that we claim to have buried are never dead, as a matter of fact if the other person in the relationship could be a fly on the wall of their mates' or friends psyche they would learn that not only is it not buried, its often closely held and monitored daily. It becomes the driving force in the relationship. It will eventually surface as something innocuous in a fleeting comment then permeate and manifest into a drama filled episode that generally leaves the other party of the relationship feeling confused, lost, resentful, and defeated. That's why I have always said if two people can't speak honestly, there isn't a relationship.
That is what couples in a relationship, family members, or even just friends deal with every day. We act as though we are being honest, but the definition of honest becomes diluted and bastardized to fit our level of comfort. That is a possible precursor to the relationships destruction. Because once you stop talking comprehensively to your mate, the bond breaks.
At times we all get that feeling that it requires a "special moment" to be honest, especially if it’s critical or may carry a negative connotation. But to be clear if the relationship has a strong foundation, anytime alone is the right time to get something off your chest. A conflict without resolution dooms future communication.
One thing I have learned is that no matter how critical you are with your mate it is important to analyze the word either by questions or personal reflection to decipher were you just attacked or was that a degree that you need to "bring your A game". When it was just attack you need to find out what is truly wrong. But if it was for you to do better, be better, and know that you needed to be better. On the surface that may appear to be a daunting challenge, but if you dig deeper, it is a moment in the relationship that signifies a lack of relating.
What also comes along with communication is a very strict theory and application...it’s better to say what you want, what you want to do, and why before you ever start the wheels in motion or your intent regardless of how innocent can be construed negatively. Many times you can get what you want with help if you state your case.
What have amazed me is how often we don’t communicate, how often we don’t share, and how often when we lose a loved one because of a dissolving relationship or through death we have regrets that stem from what we should have said or didn’t say because we were afraid to hurt someone’s feelings. How can you survive in a relationship with hypersensitivity and hyper-criticism? Plainly put, you can’t, the relationship hinges on just putting yourself out there fully. Be brave with your love for the person you are relating to.
As I have learned, communication is key is for one huge reason. It’s the only way shock, awe, and resentment doesn't destroy a relationship. It’s easier to be together in action if you are together in thought.
No comments:
Post a Comment